Ewwwwwwwwww
Hey, have you ever heard what it sounds like when two drunk people stumble home from the bars at 2 a.m. on a WEDNESDAY and start going at it on the living room floor directly above where you're sleeping? I can safely say that I do know what that sounds like – and it's not pretty. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from some form of post-traumatic stress syndrome – I might need some form of mind-altering drug to help erase the grunting, slapping, clattering mess of noises that has been seared into my brain.
I've heard and seen some weird shit in my time. There was that one naked party during college where I saw more of some of my roommates than I ever cared to see; and there was that time that some form of an orgy took place while I was sleeping; and then that other time when we found scuff marks all over the bathroom floor – the likely result of some goth couple's Halloween quickie. And there probably are more things I'm not thinking of right now.
But never have I experienced anything that even approaches the level of nastiness exuded in this situation. The entire house literally was shuddering – and it didn't stop for a LONG time. And suffice it to say, I won't be spending much – or any – time in that living room again. Not until the carpet is detoxified.
I've heard and seen some weird shit in my time. There was that one naked party during college where I saw more of some of my roommates than I ever cared to see; and there was that time that some form of an orgy took place while I was sleeping; and then that other time when we found scuff marks all over the bathroom floor – the likely result of some goth couple's Halloween quickie. And there probably are more things I'm not thinking of right now.
But never have I experienced anything that even approaches the level of nastiness exuded in this situation. The entire house literally was shuddering – and it didn't stop for a LONG time. And suffice it to say, I won't be spending much – or any – time in that living room again. Not until the carpet is detoxified.
posted by Melissa @ 1:21 AM
2 Comments:
At 10:37 PM,
Gene Paul said…
I thought you lived in an apartment? Where were you??? I'm confused.
But I'm sorry you had to listen to that... I think I can top you though - I was sleeping in the living room of my brother's girlfriend's apartment (too drunk to drive home), while the two of them were going at it quite loudly in her bedroom, which was not 10 feet from where I was. Suffice it to say, I didn't get much sleep that night. So not only was I hung over, I was tired as hell the next morning.
At 1:01 AM,
Melissa said…
I was at Sean's house. Forgot to mention that. We thought it was his roommate who was one-half of the guilty party, but it turned out to be a friend of theirs who brought some random guy over, and they started going at it on the living room floor while everyone else in the house (you know, the people who actually live there) was trying to sleep.
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