The joys of Myspace

I recently decided that since I don't waste enough valuable time putzing around on the Internet, I need to find a new Web site to become addicted to. I searched Google high and low, but didn't find anything to meet my time-sucking standards. Until I was copy-editing an Associated Press article at work last week about an Internet phenomenon known as myspace.

I was reluctant at first, because it seemed kind of similar to a dating Web site – and I'm definitely not interested in meeting local man-whores or receiving perverted messages from sexual predators.

But, then I read that you can also connect with old friends or people you know from work or wherever if they're a member of it, too – the best part is, of course, that it's free to become a member.

So I excitedly created a profile for myself, and then I searched for people who went to my college and then my high school. And I found quite a few, actually. I still only have one myspace friend, though. I can't handle the fear of rejection if I ask someone to be my friend and they say no - much like in real life.

I still couldn't shake the feeling that it was a somewhat nerdy, online-dating type of thing to do. That it put me on the same level as the brother in "Napoleon Dynamite" who said something along the lines of "You're just jealous because I've been online chatting with babes all day."

But no!!! Just two days after creating a profile, the Daily Show ran a whole segment about myspace.com - a whole segment. I mean, yes, they were pretty much making fun of it, but still - if I'm a part of something that's hip enough to be parodied on the Daily Show, then that's pretty damn cool.

The Onion scores again

This made me laugh my ass off. I almost forgot how cool The Onion was after I went through a months-long period of not reading it. But then I decided to buy an Onion "best headlines" day-by-day calendar to put on my desk at work for inspiration since I spend half my day writing headlines. I haven't received much inspiration yet – yesterday's headline was "school bully not so tough after being molested," which made me laugh, even though I knew it was wrong.

But the calendar has made me sad about all the Onions I've missed out on in the past several months. What have I been doing that is so much more important than reading the Onion? I don't have any clear answers on that, but things are going to change from now on.

random thoughts

It has occurred to me that I might have to change the name of my blog since I am no longer working "in the globe." Actually, it was a lame name to start with, so I'll have to try to come up with something better. Any suggestions?

In other news, I've decided to start working out again. Well, I'm not sure if I can say "again" if the last time I worked out was when I was playing sports in high school, which was (yikes) almost 10 years ago. My apartment complex has a weight/exercise room, so I've been going three times a week, and it actually has been working so far because I reward myself with a trip to the hot tub, which is located just across the hall from the exercise room. I'm so buff I can benchpress (almost) 30 pounds. Yeah, don't mess with me.

And, the most exciting news of all -- I got business cards at my new job. While on the surface this may seem like a boring and mundane detail, it was actually exciting for me because I've never had a business card before. After almost three years of being out of college, I finally have a real job -- because now I have a business card. Want to contact me about something? OK, here's my card. I feel like such an adult. Of course, they gave me a huge box of these cards, and I doubt I'll ever use any of them, but it's the thought that counts.